Enemies no more

Christmas Dinner Dessert

The other Monday night I beat a 25-year long enemy.

We fought for years, and I designed my life around it. Choices were made, foods avoided, meals untried.

Creamy food.

Yup, that’s right. Creamy food was my mortal enemy: I’d have panic attacks, go home from work, gag at the smell of creamy food near me.

My aversion to creamy food was tied to childhood trauma and I wasn’t interested in learning to like creamy food. It was easier to tell people it was an allergy.

And then a few years ago I wanted agency. I wanted choice. I wanted to not react. I had grown up and was ready to reclaim power over what I put in my mouth. It all began with a phone call to a friend (Thanks, Alicia!), while I sat in front of a bowl of Greek yogurt and whispered, “One bite isn’t going to kill me, right?”

Once I started trying things, once I took the fear out of the creamy food, I became more open. I was open to life in a new and different way. Things that would have scared me, I was maybe still scared by, but I knew that like the Greek yogurt, if I could just try that first bite, I could then take another and then another and then before I knew it, I’d be finished.

The picture above is the culmination of this journey. Three food items I wouldn’t have ever, in a million lifetimes, tried. Just a few months ago, I’d have still said to myself, “oh, this is creamy… okay, you can try it…just see what it’s like.”

On that night, what I said to myself was “Oh, those look like cool desserts. Wonder what they taste like?”

Pure joy. Agency. Choice. Gratitude for all those who’ve helped along the way.

Here are some pictures of foods I now savor. thai peanut dressing greek yogurt mushroom soup photo 1 soup

cheesecake

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