The other Monday night I beat a 25-year long enemy.
We fought for years, and I designed my life around it. Choices were made, foods avoided, meals untried.
Yup, that’s right. Creamy food was my mortal enemy: I’d have panic attacks, go home from work, gag at the smell of creamy food near me.
My aversion to creamy food was tied to childhood trauma and I wasn’t interested in learning to like creamy food. It was easier to tell people it was an allergy.
And then a few years ago I wanted agency. I wanted choice. I wanted to not react. I had grown up and was ready to reclaim power over what I put in my mouth. It all began with a phone call to a friend (Thanks, Alicia!), while I sat in front of a bowl of Greek yogurt and whispered, “One bite isn’t going to kill me, right?”
Once I started trying things, once I took the fear out of the creamy food, I became more open. I was open to life in a new and different way. Things that would have scared me, I was maybe still scared by, but I knew that like the Greek yogurt, if I could just try that first bite, I could then take another and then another and then before I knew it, I’d be finished.
The picture above is the culmination of this journey. Three food items I wouldn’t have ever, in a million lifetimes, tried. Just a few months ago, I’d have still said to myself, “oh, this is creamy… okay, you can try it…just see what it’s like.”
On that night, what I said to myself was “Oh, those look like cool desserts. Wonder what they taste like?”
Pure joy. Agency. Choice. Gratitude for all those who’ve helped along the way.